Two days ago I finished reading the book called Ignore Everybody: And 39 Other Keys to Creativity by Hugh MacLeod. The book was a light, fun read for those of you looking to read something witty that hits you right in the face, you can check it out!
One of the chapters talked about approval. I have had so many conversations with my friends on this topic so I decided to write on it as well.
Seeking validation from outside
We all seek approval in life. Be it from our boss, partners, parents, friends, siblings etc. While some approvals are important, a majority of them are unnecessary. Even toxic, depending on the situation. Many a times, we seek validation outside of ourself. For Example: If we get a compliment at a party, only then we will think we are beautiful OR if we someone appreciates us, only then we will think we did something of value.
To me, this constant sense of validation and approvals, especially from the outside world does not make sense. My feelings towards who I am, how I feel or whether I did a good job is not dependent on what other people say about it. Its a matter of whether I put in my 100% or not. Sure, I may not have done the best job, and I might need to improve – but that doesn’t mean I will not be happy about whatever I was able to achieve unless someone praises me.
Self-awareness is crucial
Having developed an interest in this area of late, I have been watching multiple Youtube videos and reading books to educate myself on it. I have learnt that it’s really important to be aware about oneself- what we like, what we dislike, the emotions we feel, the things that make us happy etc. Often times, we lead our lives with expectations, not awareness. We think magically everyone around us will just read our minds and understand what is it that we need and bring it to us, when the reality is, many a times we ourselves don’t know what we need.
The key to healthy relationships and a healthy life is self-awareness. We should get so busy in knowing and improving ourselves that there is no time left to bother about what other say or think. 80% of our problems stem from ‘what other people said, did or think about us’.
What you think matters
Hugh MacLeod says- “The best way to get approval is not to need it.” And I couldn’t agree more! I started writing my blog much later than I actually wanted to. You know why? I was concerned about people’s opinions – check out my first post here. Eventually, I overcame my tendencies are started writing. I do have on and off phases, but they don’t stem from what people will think anymore.
What I think of myself matters to me. Not in an overconfident sense, but because I was not given this life to please people. I was given this life to create value, do meaningful work, impact society and be happy. If you resonate with me and are sitting on something simply because you’re worried about what people will think, then you’ve got to with the battle within.
If there’s any approval you need, it is your own. Period.
Get a copy of Hugh’s book here.
Photo by Drahomír Posteby-Mach on Unsplash
