The Battle Within

Have you ever felt compelled to do something and despite the inner pull, you ended up not doing it? Are you nodding your head? Are you recollecting how many times you did it? Have you asked yourself why you didn’t go ahead with it? If you did not, then that is exactly what differentiates me from you.

I have always wanted to do so many things and made so many to do lists. That’s a good thing right? It is. But what is sad about it is that they either always remained in my head, or written on a piece of paper. I never took action. And that’s why my entire existence sometimes seemed very small to me. There were times when everything for me was going right. I was getting good grades, I had good friends, I had a good time hanging out with them and yet, I never felt satisfied or genuinely happy. I’m sure most of us go through this. But we don’t take it that seriously, at least I didn’t. We let it go thinking ‘it’s a phase, it’ll pass’. I did that for many years myself.

When I had an altercation with one of my friends, and she said “You never admit you’re wrong”, that’s when it hit me. Was my emptiness just a phase? No.

It was about not admitting that I had a problem at hand. I was not doing the things that genuinely made me happy because I was too busy telling myself I was busy and worked up. My problem was not admitting that I had a problem.

Now that I figured out what was it that was bothering me, what did I do next? I started thinking of ways to tick off things from my to-do lists. To tell you the truth, this is my first one.

I’m not writing this just for the sake of saying some encouraging words. I’m writing this because I have wanted to share my thoughts with the world for a long time, but I never gathered the courage to. I’m writing this to break the shackles that held me back. I’m writing this because it makes me happy. I’m writing this to share with y’all that it’s not the battle outside but the battle within that holds us back.

What is this battle within?

It can vary from person to person. For me, this battle within was self doubt and the need to get my ideas, my thoughts validated by someone. Should I write? Is it okay to write about this? Is it likeable enough? And a list of many more questions!

However confident you may seem on the outside, and however many self help books you read, or motivational talks you watch, it’s only when you decide to break free of that hesitation, of that second thought that you can taste genuine happiness along the way.

Writing these 500 or so words has been one of the most challenging tasks for me. To be honest, I always gave myself the excuse of having nothing to write about or whatever I wrote not being good enough or simply over thinking it. But what I have come to realize is that it’s important to have an opinion, but it’s equally important to gather the courage to share that opinion. It’s important to make plans and to think long term, but it’s equally important to take concrete steps to be able to make those thoughts a reality someday.

I don’t know if this small little piece of effort will be a change maker in your life, but it has been in mine. Because with this, I tick off that first thing of starting a blog of my own and share my stories and I sure as hell am not going to stop until I tick off everything. I hope you’ll fight your battles within and really do what brings you genuine joy because time is all we have and yet we let it slip by so easily. So how about thinking of making some good use of it?

Don’t just sit! Get up and get going! Plan. Take action. Achieve.